Far Cry Primal For Pimps
Far Cry Primal For Pimps is a mini series created by Aaron Yonda and Emre Cihangir. Aaron and Emre hilariously play as Glug, a prehistoric survivor in a prehistoric world. Glug hunts animals and defend territory from other prehistoric humans. Far Cry Primal For Pimps is thought to be a replacement for Far Cry 4 Pimps as Emre returns after a short hiatus.
|Far Cry Primal For Pimps|
|No. of episodes||5|
|Original release||February 20– May 16, 2016|
- Glug (voiced by Aaron Yonda)
- Glug does have clear political convictions.
- He does not want friends.
- Owl (voiced by Emre Cihangir)
- Owl is a bard owl, owl bard.
- He likes to make puns that Glug does not often approve of.
- Owl does not like fighting and likes to give Glug advice. He is more approving of Glug using his club than his bow, calling the bow "a weapon of a coward."
- Owl is told that he is "useless as usual" when he flies too far from Glug and must return to his side. (episode 5 @ 8:50)
- Glug accuses the owl of making a false claim about being able to hunt monkeys and threatens to sue him in court.
- Glug often verbally abuses the owl saying how useless it is and telling it that it's only good for shitting in cages and being used as toilet paper to wipe his prehistoric butt.
- The owl is quite tech savvy and is able to set up "Bluetooth" and communicate with Glug even when they are not together. Glug not understanding this new technology, jokes around about "Bluetooth" and smurfs but realizes that the joke might be way out of left field.
- The owl does not have any leverage over Glug and continues to take verbal abuse. The owl once threatened to eat Glug's children but realizes that Glug is invisible because he cannot love anyone. He cannot be hurt because he has no family or friends.
- Big Hole (Sayla)
- Glug's Law
- If there is hole, Glug must enter it
- Don't listen to owl on shoulder (episode 2 @ 0:05)
- Fill all holes with bits of Glug (episode 2 @ 0:31)
- Playing instruments goes against glug's law (episode 2 @ 2:17) and the punishment is execution
- He will kill (anyone) at any moment if he wishes. (episode 3 @ 1:51)
- Glug's vocabulary
- Gluggaside - Glug committing genocide
- Wug - Wolf
- Wuggy Snuggy - A "snuggy" made from wolf hide
- Gluggalingus - Glug performing cunnilingus
- Ugal - Eagle
- Glugglings - Little Glug children
- Glugsectomy - Glug cannot have children
|1||Glug's Law||Feb 20, 2016||Link|
|Aaron and Emre play Far Cry Primal. They play as Glug. They hunt buffalo, a cross between a elephant and a buffalo, "Snuffleupagus." Unfortunately, his tribe gets destroyed by a saber tooth tiger on the hunt and his friend gives him a bracelet made out of bone. Glug doesn't want it but he takes it. Venturing out into the land of Oros, Glug meets a woman who Glug named Big Hole. Her name is Sayla but since Glug found her in a large cave, he calls her Big Hole or that's how the story goes.
Along the way Glug gains new weapons, a bow that Glug calls Blug and a club that Glug calls Clug. He faces a few predators, one of them being wolves that Glug calls wugs. Glugs also reveals his ten gods, each god being a toe on his feet. The gods are based off of the nursery rhyme, This Little Piggy.
|2||Wug of Wall Street||Mar 19, 2016||Link|
|The voice that Glug talks to is revealed to be an Eagle that perches Glug's shoulder. Glug also tells how he dies in the future. He is killed by a bambi seeking revenge. He suspects that this happens in two years but it cannot be confirmed as Glug can only count up to two.
Venturing out, Glug claims the Nakuti Bonfire to be his, owl flying around it to signify ownership. He recruits wugs to push out the goats from his new aquired land. Later, Glug enters a cave during a witch doctor's "Zumba" session. The witch doctor takes Glugs blood and adds it into a red concoction. Spouting nonsense, the witch doctor makes Glug drink the odd mixture and Glug falls into a state of illusion. Wandering around this state, he sees all of the animals he has hunted and killed, most prominent being the mother owl. Glug killing the mother owl is why the owl perched on his shoulder is with him now.
He defeats the rival tribe members and tames a wug he names Wuginardo WuCaprio, dubbed the Wug of Wall Street.
|3||Glugalingus||Apr 10, 2016||Link|
|Glugg builds Big Hole a hut so that they can have some fun together specifically for flugging and gluggalingus. He also builds a hut for the witch doctor so he can get drugged. However, now that they have a base, they must defend it from raiders. After defeating the raiders, Big Hole celebrate too much and cuts off a piece of the raider's corpse. Glug thinks this is a "boner killer" and Glug decides he must buy new necklace and counseling for Big Hole.
The witch doctor drugs Glug again and Glug sees a icy world with a new weapon, a spiked club. Returning back to a healthy mental state, Glug criticizes the Owl for not helping Glug out in battle. Glug forces the Owl to learn some fighting skill which deeply frustrates the Owl. Glug harasses Big Hole some more after Big Hole tells him that he needs to head to the Bone Cave.
|4||Nature is a B*tch||Apr 19, 2016||Link|
|Glug hunts a few animals including brown bears and then heads to the bone cave. The bone cave is located in a colder climate and the owl notices that Glug has hard nips. Glug tells the owl that he always had hard nips (4:55). Once in the bone cave, Glug fights lions he calls tigers. (5:45)
A wenja injured in the cave tells Glug that there are more tigers suggesting that he was correct after all. Glug's law is already in effect. Glug recommends killing self to wenja in cave and heads back out to the wild to hunt for a white yak used for burgers at white castle
He claims the roaring falls bonfire and goes back to Big Hole's hut. Glug jumps down from Big Hole's roof and forces him on Big Hole who pleasures him.
|5||Intimidating Funk||May 12, 2016||Link|
|Winter arrives in the land of Oros and the owl migrates south. By the time spring arrives and the owl returns, Glug has discovered quite of bit of land and Wuganardo was replaced by Sabernardo. Sabernardo is a saber tooth tiger that has an intimidating stench or funk and is called intimidating funk master or funk master for short. Later, the owl puts together a band named Intimidating Funk and debuts in front of Glug. At first Glug doesn't say anything but he is told that the owl assembled the band which explained his disgust for the band.
While he has advanced quite far in his goal of taking over Oros, Glug still does not have a grapple to climb cliffs with ease. Glug desperately wants a grapple so he goes out on a journey to look for one. Along the way, owl notices that there are new tribes painted in blue. Glug tells the owl that the people in blue are from the mighty smurf tribe. Glug likes the women in the tribe because they are only wearing blue body paint and are otherwise topless.
During his journey, he gets pushed down a cave and pissed on. This enrages Glug and plots how he will kill the man who pissed on him. Glug and the owl decides that they replace his amputated arm with a plunger. However, Glug wants to go further and wants to use his shit to make brown hair for the man who pissed on him. Realizing that this man may have some merits, the owl suggest Glug befriend him. Glug ends up building a new home for this man in his village.
During this episode, Glug verbally abuses and harrasses owl for being so useless to him. For one, the owl constantly gets compared to Sabernardo. Glug questions his searching skill when the owl could not go far enough to investigate the "fairy light." Glug questions his knowledge when the owl tells Glug that he can take down a monkey but he couldn't even target the monkeys. Glug also questions his intellect when the monkey flies into the face of a cliff. Glug tells the owl that the owl is indispensable because it is a reminder what it's like to be a gigantic failure. At the very end of this episode, Glug tries to maximize the owl's potential by unlocking fighting skills but even this proves to be fruitless.
- Far cry primal first.png
- Far cry primal sayla.png